grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
