God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
