You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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