Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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