I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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