Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
