Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
