Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
