Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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