My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There r osticjed everywhere
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
