I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
