I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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