no, he came in my armpit
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
