So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i barfeds in our rink
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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