yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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