I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
