It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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