he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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