he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
