it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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