watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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