I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
