Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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