Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
