We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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