I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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