Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
