Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
