You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
