WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
