Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
