So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just cropdusted the office
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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