According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
