Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
