Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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