You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
