3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
