I skipped work to stalk him.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
