No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
