I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
