Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
