Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
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