i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
