I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My Sexting was not on an AP level
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
