she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
