Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
