Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
