using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
