My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
