Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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