she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
